Back in H-town
10:40 a.m. - 2004-05-26
I�m back in Houston. It seems like I wasn�t gone at all. Things are still the same except me. Each time I come back, I have a little less control; and yet, I cry less.
I had to be strong for him and for me. I didn�t want my head to hurt like it did last time and I didn�t want Gabi to see that I�d been crying. It was hard to look out the double paned round window onto the clouds and know that I was floating away. When the ground was visible again, all I saw were tiny little broccolis and no little lakes or Air Force base.
Even though I know this isn�t the last time I�ll see him and this is only temporary, I still feel like someone just shoved their fist into my chest. It�s just so weird, one minute we�re sleeping next to each other waking up to his obnoxious alarm clock and laying in bed holding each other as we hold in our morning pee because we want one more minute in bed. The next minute, I�m lying in my bed holding a pillow with the phone nestled between my ear and my pillow smacking air with my lips and whispering I love you into the phone.
I hate how its so much harder for him. It�s hard for me, it�s really hard, but I have work and school to keep me occupied. I have my writing that I need to work on and books I plan to read. But he�s got work and that�s about it. But the only way I can really help him is by getting done with school so that we can move in together. I�ve thought about moving in together now, but the money situation won�t allow it for a while. Plus, I don�t want to have to incur the cost of him moving here and then packing up to move back to El Paso a few months later. I want things to be good when we go to El Paso. I want us to be able to get our own place so we don�t have to stay with my mom.
In the end, I still miss him a hell of a lot.
Getting linked and saying adios - 2005-01-28
What's going on... - 2005-01-26
Fixed - 2005-01-21
Sex ed - 2005-01-19
And still on the same subject - 2005-01-18
![[ Registered ]](http://www.diarist.net/registry/button.gif){kind=small}
