Dreams from the past
11:51 a.m. - 2004-06-03
I don�t understand why I would have a dream about the ex; I haven�t seen or talked to him in over three years. I haven�t even thought about him in a very long time. I used to think a lot about what he did to me, making me �the other woman� without allowing me to make that decision for myself and the I would fantasize about how he was probably paying for it. But now, I don�t care. It all turned out for the better. I was never in love with him. He would tell me he loved me, and I�d return it out of courtesy. When he started talking about moving in with me, it scared me. I never meant to start anything with him, it just happened. And I never wanted anything more than sex and a good time from him. Within a few months, he was out of my life for good after a phone call from his wife.
Anyway, this dream last night, it really freaked me out. It was just so odd. So many people from the past. First, I was on a bus trip with my best friend in high school, Erika. We were going to a H.O.S.A. competition, but we were the age we are now and nothing had changed, the falling out between us was still an issue and we discuess this on the bus ride. Then somewhere along the way, I ran into the ex and we ended up in the house I lived in when I was going to high school. We ended up having sex and the worst part of it was that I was still with Dan the Man. I remember I checked my cell to make sure he hadn�t called and I told the ex, �You know I�m engaged now.�
�Yeah, I know,� he says.
Just then, my mom called us to have breakfast and I went to the restroom, which looked nothing like it used to, and as I was wiping, I woke up from my dream. I got out of bed as fast as I could and into the shower. I needed to get that damn dream out of my head. There is no way in hell I would ever let or want that to happen. Then I got to thinking, and I figured out that the only reason I was hurt by this asshole, was because he just disappeared. There was no �This isn�t working out� or teary fight where I told him to get the fuck out of my house because he was scum. After that day that he went over to borrow $80 from me to pay a speeding ticket, neither of us tried to get in touch with each other, especially not after the phone call.
When I was visiting Dan the Man, we were driving home from Wal-Mart and that song from Lighthouse came on the radio, the one that says, �I�m falling even more in love with you, I'm letting go of all I held on to...� That was one of those songs that was popular at the time I was going out with the ex and he used to always sing it. Anyway, when it came on the radio, Dan the Man started to sing it. I looked over at him and we smiled at each other. I didn�t feel that nostalgia I once felt when I heard that song. I realized that I didn�t care for the person who used to sing that song. I only cared for the guy sitting next to me singing along.
Getting linked and saying adios - 2005-01-28
What's going on... - 2005-01-26
Fixed - 2005-01-21
Sex ed - 2005-01-19
And still on the same subject - 2005-01-18
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