The Pressure is on
12:33 p.m. - 2004-12-10

I�m addicted to online journals. Depending on how busy I am at work, I read from ten to twenty. I click on banners when I�m messing around in Diaryland, I click on links from other people�s journals, but I never google random topics.

Anyway, today, I was reading one of the �must check everyday� journals and I found out that Allison is pregnant. Yay for her and her new hubby.

News like this is always interesting. Because I am human, I wonder about these things in my future. Recently, a slew of online journalist got hitched. I loved reading about all the planning that was involved because when my sister got married, I wasn�t involved in the planning. All I had to do was get my dress, decorate my car, and show up. When Dan the Man asked me to marry him, I had no idea where to begin. So I found online journals that discussed this. Through them, I read about fiasco�s with the fucktographers, jewlers, caterering services not knowing what�s red wine, and of course, how some weddings can be perfect.

I was anxious for these couples to return from their honeymoons so that I could see the pictures of their wedding getup. My favorite is Erin�s in which she shows her reader so many pictures that you sort of get the feeling that you were there.

Sometimes, I feel like I�m lagging because all the people that I read are in different stages of their lives. These days, I feel like I need to read about people who are where I am because I�m so confused.

I�m confused about graduate school. I haven�t filled out a single application. I�m not going to make the Iowa deadline so I won�t know if the best wanted me. I haven�t been studying for the GRE because I�ve had a slew of final papers and exams to work on.

I don�t necessarily feel like going home for Christmas because I don�t want to see certain family members and yet I�m going because I don�t know how much longer my mom will be around.

I�ve had an offer from another man. He�s dying to �go out� with me and I don�t know how to get him off my back. At first, I was flattered and I thought about having him as a friend, but last night, I was online after I finished my compiling notes for my final today, and Dan the Man was online. I talked to him while I talked to this other guy online. He talked about seeing me before I leave next Sunday while Dan the Man told me that he missed me and couldn�t wait to see me. Somehow, it made me feel really bad about talking to this other guy. And yet, I don�t know how to cut him off. Maybe I just need to block him from my AIM and cell phone. And still, I know this isn�t right because it�s my own damn fault.

You know what�s the worst thing of all? I can�t find a radio station to listen to in the mornings. This is a problem because I don�t have a television in my room and I don�t like going around a quiet house, especially in the morning when I think I should be sleeping instead of packing my gym clothes and books. I used to listen to the alternative rock station, but the guy on the show is a macho, homophobic jerk and the girl is an airhead. Then on the Mix 96.5, the guy on there is also a jerk, there�s something about him that I just don�t like. He seems like he�s a metrosexual, but not a cool one. The girl on there, is a girly girl looking for a man and Producer Eric is just an idiot. The morning shows are too crass. NPR needs some songs that I can sing along to once in a while, and almost all the other radio stations are conservative bastards. So I just surf around, trying to find songs I can sing along to.

Maybe I�m just feeling like this because of finals. Two more days Gigi, two more days.

back || forth

Getting linked and saying adios - 2005-01-28
What's going on... - 2005-01-26
Fixed - 2005-01-21
Sex ed - 2005-01-19
And still on the same subject - 2005-01-18